A good friend of mine recently confided that her middle school daughter wants to start wearing eyeliner. I’m happy for her that her daughter asked her permission (rather than sneaking it behind her back and secretly applying it on the bus ride to school). Shortly after our conversation, several other parents told me similar stories. Middle school girls want to wear eyeliner. Just eyeliner.
Do you have a girl in middle school? Chances are good that she (or her friends) has considered wearing eyeliner.
My bottom line advice? Don’t let her wear eyeliner.
Many years ago, I spent some time in the world of fashion and beauty where we learned voice and diction as well as make up application. We were never taught to only wear eyeliner. I have never only worn eyeliner. I would never wear only eyeliner on a bare face.
Makeup is about enhancing features. For everyday looks, it’s intended to make someone more beautiful without attempting to create a mask or simply color the face. Drawing lines around the eyes doesn’t enhance them. It brings attention to them, sure, but that’s about it. And I mean it brings attention to the lines, not the eyes. Imagine a large canvas with a black frame. Would your eyes be drawn to the canvas or the frame?
But don’t try to explain that to your daughter.
Instead,
plan a day of beauty with her. Take her to a department store for a free makeover at a counter whose brand focus is on a natural looking face. My recommendations include Clinique or Bobbi Brown. Many girls seem to be drawn to MAC, but some of their looks, IMHO, are too dramatic for middle schoolers. One example, the Peacocky look, is beautiful artistry but not appropriate for middle school:
That might be great for my older sister (well out of her teens) but not for my daughter.
Another idea is to take her to Bare Escentuals (whose mineral powder foundation is being copied by many companies). With mineral makeup, I’d be less worried about her leaving it on all night.
The makeup artists at these counters will most likely begin by talking about skincare.* Then they’ll apply a full face of makeup, explaining each step in the application process. Your daughter will see the transformation and how much (or how little) makeup makes her look better. Odds are good that they will not just apply eyeliner. In fact, they may apply no eyeliner, yet still sufficiently enhance her features to achieve the look she’s envisioning.
Keep in mind, the goal of the makeup artist is to sell those products. You are usually under no obligation to buy any of them at that time (in most cases, at most departments stores).**
After the makeup application, take her out to lunch and talk to her about the experience. Is it what she expected? Does she like how she looks? Can she imagine going through all of those steps every day (and removing all of it every night)? Does she understand the importance of skincare and how it goes hand in hand with the use of makeup? How about the cost? Did she understand how quickly the costs can accumulate?
Beyond that, I found that, as with most things, books can be very helpful. Specifically, Sonia Kashuk’s Real Beauty, Bobbi Brown’s Makeup Manual, Bobbi Brown’s Teenage Beauty and Diane Irons’s Teen Beauty Secrets provide useful information. Having said that, our kids are less likely to refer to a book for “how to” information and more likely to look online or watch a video tutorial. So, to satisfy a parent’s desire for a book and the teen’s viewing preference, I recommend that first book (Real Beauty) by Kashuk because it includes a DVD. Pop it into your (or your teen’s) laptop and watch it with her. Or heck, just give it to her. It provides basic makeup and skincare advice that should help your teen understand why one wouldn’t wear just eyeliner.
And when you see her walk out the door looking appropriately beautiful, you can rest assured she feels it, too.
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I think the whole point is that the girls like the look of only eyeliner. As adults we may think it looks silly, but that is what is in style now with the middle schoolers. My 8th grade daughter knows how to apply makeup subtly, but she only does it that way for family events. When she is going to school or to hang out with friends, she wants the “raccoon eyed” look.
I think that the best we can do for our daughters is teach them that some things are appropriate for some occasions, and some are not. We have to let our kids be themselves. Sure, they will look back in ten years and laugh at the way they looked, but didn’t we all do that?
So true. That’s a great point, Sarah!
Thanks for your comment.
@ Sarah:
I’ve been thinking more about your comment. Here’s where I came out:
I understand your point about letting our kids be themselves. And I agree. But I also believe that I have an obligation to provide my kids with appropriate guidance to enable them to grow into their own best selves.
So, I was thinking… why we should we let our daughters look goofy simply because they probably don’t realize (yet) that they look goofy? Especially when a simple photo or makeover can help them understand (at this moment, rather than some distant point in the future) that they can easily look better if they make better choices?
I’m not suggesting that we firmly prohibit or preclude them from making the choice, rather that we show them (via one of those free makeovers) how makeup can enhance their own natural beauty and how it can also (if badly applied) actually make them look worse!
If in the case of my friend’s young daughter, she still chooses, after having that guidance, education, and instruction, to have “raccoon eyes” then fine, that’s her informed choice.
But if we don’t ever show her that she has options, isn’t she just following the crowd and just doing what her peers are doing because it’s considered “the style” (albeit an uninformed, unattractive one?).
And is that the best we moms can do in our roles as mentors and teachers to help them be the best young people they can be?