Is There a Benefit to Time Away From Your Kids?

The night before I was leaving for San Francisco to attend the BlogHer Conference, my kids broke down, urging me not to go or, better yet, to take them with me.  They couldn’t bear the thought of my being away for so many days.  They made the point that I had never been apart from them, so it was unbearable to even imagine.  I expected them to miss me a little, but they’re responsible, confident kids.  I didn’t expect a complete meltdown.

Whoa.

I was thinking something more like this:

You know?  Bloo, not blue…

I wasn’t sure how to react.  Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s always best to remain calm and resist any emotional reaction to anything our kids tell us.  So I breathed deeply and just listened to them.  I thought that if I just gave them a little time to share whatever they were feeling, they’d feel better.  But the tears kept coming.

So I gave them hugs.  And more hugs.  And loads of sympathetic words.

I reminded them of other trips I took with some of my girlfriends.  They quickly replied, “But those weren’t as long … and those were in the same state!”

Okay, well, yeah…

More tears.

Yikes.

At that point, I felt like crying.

I started to question my motivation.  “Hmm…”  I thought, “Yeah, actually, why am I going to this conference??”  Self doubt crept in.  “Do I really need to go?”

After about an hour (!), they went to sleep and I went to work.

I made a video of our night time ritual, including the prayers, the songs, and the words I’ve recited since they were babies.  I left notes for them on the kitchen table and I tried to get in a better frame of mind.

Hubby was great (always so supportive) and looked at me with a knowing grin (knowing that I was conflicted, but knowing how much I had been looking forward to attending the event).  He reminded me ever so gently, “Oh, of course you’re still going.  Don’t be silly.”

Right.  Okay.

So I finished packing, got about three hours of sleep and headed to the airport.

As I was maneuvering around the airport, going through security, waiting at the gate, boarding the plane, I realized that this was the first time since before I was married that I was traveling alone.  I used to love traveling alone.  But I had forgotten that it was almost a passion. I forgot so much that it all felt new and a bit uncomfortable.

So I bumbled along, feeling a bit awkward and out of place.  At first, I found myself apologizing for having to move past other passengers to get to my seat or for taking a bit too much time to stow my luggage in the overhead compartment.  Wait.  Let me say those words again – my luggage, my seat.  I’ve become used to stowing the kids’ luggage, making sure the kids had enough activities to occupy them en route, checking on the kids to see whether they needed anything.

As I settled in to this familiar yet forgotten feeling, I found myself smiling more and more.

I moved from doubting myself (“Maybe I should have stayed home and just skipped this trip”) to feeling more confident and lively than I’d felt in many years.  I felt younger and emotionally lighter.  I noticed a definite absence of those judgmental looks from strangers that suggested things like, “Oh, she’s a mom.”

“Her kids sure are loud and talkative.”

“Why is she giving them candy? Are they drinking soda, too?”

“Doesn’t she ever brush that girl’s hair?”

No matter how much we do as parents, we somehow manage to feel inadequate.

But then?  At that moment?  Up there at 36,000 feet?  It was just me.  Heck these strangers didn’t even know whether I was a mom.

It made me feel a little giddy … and put a little spring in my step.

When I stepped off that plane in San Francisco, I felt like Mary Tyler Moore in her show opening or, no, how about Rihanna in Don’t Stop the Music.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Bottom line?

Parents should take some time out to remember who we are when we’re not with the kids.  We’re not just parents.  We still have our passions, our interests, our talents.  We just need to tap into them once in a while.  And when we do?  Mmmm.  Fabulous.

Then, when we go home to our kids, we can throw our arms around them to give them sincere, emphatic, grateful bear hugs and really revel in all that we are.

*

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Images from Google Images and the sites linked within the pictures.

*Actually, that’s Rihanna with her little brother; the photo is used only for.