I remember a few years back when my son hated going to the grocery store. He used to get really cranky and made it known that he would’ve preferred to be anywhere else. But I made it clear that we had to get food and we had to do it at that allotted time. I explained to him, "Look, it is what it is. We’re here at the store and we have to be here at the store. You can suffer through it and whine, moan, complain and wish you were anywhere else but here, or you can choose to make it a fun experience. I guarantee that if you choose that first option, this experience will feel like it’s taking three hours and you’ll dislike nearly every moment. However, if you choose the second option, I’ll bet we can find a way to make it fun. How about if you help me find some of the items on the shelves and put them in the cart. You can even toss a few things into it. What do you say?" He chose the second option and when we came out of that store, he was beaming. We had a great time.
Now I use that experience as a touchstone when we are in other situations that are not particularly fun for him. Or even when he has a challenging school project — I remind him that it’s his choice to either go through the experience filled with dread or to find a way to make it through (or maybe even make it fun), then come out the other side and look forward to the moment when he can do something that he wants to do.
His first grade teacher used to say, "Do your have -tos before your want -tos."
Sometimes … many times … we have to do things that we’d rather not do. But, the more we accept the present moment, face it (better yet, enjoy it) — no matter how much it scares us or how much discomfort it brings us — the better off we’ll be.
Yup. I tell people in my group cycling classes, “Don’t dread it! It will take twice as long!”
(Obviously the class is still an hour no matter what, but the advice makes sense.)
(to me. LOL)
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I’m right there with you on the grocery shopping. If I let my kids help with the shopping, they love it.
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As always, excellent post, SBM!
(of course, my problems come when I have more “have-tos” than I have hours in a day…then there is no point of even dreaming of the “want-tos”).
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I am so waiting for the light to come on in my boys head on this topic… can’t get him to understand the concept of ‘just do it already!’
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Do I HAVE to?
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I needed this. I have to give a speech next month in front of about 1000 people, and I’ve been trying to look at it in a positive way. I don’t want to dread it. It’s something I HAVE to do. I need to stop being nervous and embrace the opportunity.
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I won’t use profanity on your blog. However, everyone who knows me knows my coping mechanism when faced with something difficult and/or totally not fun. It’s the F-it rule. You take one deep breath, say “F-it” out loud, put your head down and just do it. This rule is the only reason I have made it this far in life.
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