My daughter is entering middle school in the fall. Recently, to begin what is sure to be a memorable journey, I went to the first middle school meeting. Principals gave overviews of courses and logistics, the students selected electives, and counselors shared a few thoughts.
I’ve heard other parents say fairly dreadful things about middle school, but I didn’t pay much attention to the details. It seemed so far away. At this meeting, though, I was ready. In fact, I was eager to go and hear what they had to say. I wanted to get some sense of what to expect, so I spoke with some parents who have older kids (and have been through this already).
Here’s what I heard:
“Oh, it’s such a tough time for kids.”
“I’m glad I’m not the one who’s the student.”
“There’s no tougher time for a kid than when they suffer through middle school.”
“Oooo. Are you worried??”
Well, I wasn’t . Until now…
The administrators showed a video produced by some of the older middle school kids, depicting a typical day in the life of middle schoolers. It included a boy shoving another boy into a locker, kids looking self conscious and insecure and adults looking geeky. DD looked surprised but a little excited intrigued.
We were also treated to some insight from the principal. It went something like this:
Every year during the first week of middle school, I get a call from a frazzled parent telling me that his/her child didn’t come home from school. And I tell them the same thing every year. Johnny is fine. He went to a friend’s house and forgot to tell you. He can do that now. He’ll be gone for hours and then finally remember to tell you that he’s over at Jimmy’s house. Don’t worry about it. Kids have a lot more freedom in this place. Get used to it.
Hmm. Okay. Right. Got it.
The trouble is…she still seems like a little girl to me. I know I need to let go. I know she’s going to change significantly in these next few years. I have to let go. Loosen the reins a bit. But…this step feels like one of the toughest.
We’ve developed a wonderful relationship, where we can talk about anything. She feels comfortable telling me when I’m giving her too much information about an “adult” topic. We have lunch and laugh together and it seems as if she’s feels like she’s 22 yet she’ll still grab my hand and hold it as we stroll down the street.
I know it’s a time of transition. I can’t help but be a bit uneasy about what kind of effect the next two years will have on us. Will she become more attached to her friends and teachers and further removed from us? Will she regard advice from others more highly than our words of wisdom? Will she look at me differently? How different will she look?
I think that big, big changes are ahead…
Wow, really? Why don’t I remember jr. high being that traumatic? I was WAY more nervous about entering high school.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..I Live In Narnia
“Johnny is fine. He went to a friend’s house and forgot to tell you. He can do that now.”
I don’t think so! My children cannot go somewhere without telling me first, not until they are 18. Don’t let the principal tell you to allow your child “freedom”. Allow for change, but keep holding onto her hand a little longer!
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To Deb:
Yeah, that’s how I felt, too. I don’t remember it being a big deal for me. Times have changed (or at least it’s different around here).
To Katy:
Thanks for that! Having given his comments a little more thought now, I agree with you. She’ll need to tell me before she goes home with a friend. Plain and simple. I really appreciate your input.
Oh boy. Your uneasiness is warranted, in my opinion.
Middle school is a big deal. As much as I want to tell you the answer to most of the questions at the end of this post are ‘No’ reality dictates the answer will be ‘Yes’, at least for a time. It is a rite of passage thing for you and her. I’m not entirely sure who it is harder on.
The upside to this is she will likely go through seasons of looking elsewhere for answers, valuing friends above family, etc. The thing to remember is they are seasons. They will pass. When they do she will come out of it with a greater appreciation for the family she is part of.
I feel like I have had an opportunity to learn a bit about you through this soapbox of yours and you have done the right things. She is prepared.
With all that said, it probably wouldn’t hurt to keep some kleenex handy. Great post.
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Eek! I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I ever will be.
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Having had one kid go through middle school already and one kid halfway through (in 7th grade), I can tell you that “Middle School” isn’t the tough part; puberty can potentially shake things up for a while and Middle School happens to only be the “location”.
Although I’m completely with you and Katy about “my kid can’t go anywhere without telling me”, the kids DO. ONCE. (if you make it known that that’s unacceptable.) Part of puberty is being a little forgetful because they are all-consumed with themselves and they have to learn that they have to keep parents in the loop or there are consequences.
My kids have not gone home with someone else without telling me first (they are bussed), but once, in 7th grade, my older one went home with someone else to work on a group project after school (with my knowledge) but FORGOT TO CALL ME AT WORK WITH THIS KID’S PHONE NUMBER so that I could reach him. And of course it was unlisted. My point is, this kind of stuff happens, but if you follow up immediately with communication and consequences if necessary, it doesn’t become a habit.
Bottom line: Have good communication with your kids, be consistent, and not only will middle school go well but everything else will run more smoothly!
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